I’m starting to think Dave might be asexual. When I was a teenage, a friend of mine had a little brother that later turned out to be asexual that behaved exactly like Phil when he came up on the sexy fridge in Atomic Heart. Any time a sexy woman was on screen he’d turn his head, any time it went on too long he’d have a total spurge out and would refuse to play games with sexy characters. Though he’d had an exception for Soul Caliber, though he still would never play Ivy. Though if there were naked dudes on the screen, he’d be laughing his ass off. Sound a little familiar?
Only difference though is this friend’s little brother was 10, has since grown out of it, and is pretty cool. He just doesn’t experience a sexual attraction to anyone.
Also might explain why Khet went from a size 0 to being the shape of one. There was never any love there, but why would you even bother trying if you’re The Guy’s beard?
Anyways, I’m going to stop typing now cause this is just going to devolve into a book of me just rambling about all of Dave’s weirdness.
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“Phil’s a faggot!” Has to be in my top 10 sound clips of all time in Phildom.
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I lean more towards Phil being asexual with Khet acting as a (massive) beard, so I agree with your post. However, I rebut:
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Im of the opinion he’s a chronic masturbator and something sexual on screen would trigger him, possibly at times that would be inopportune for him to do anything about it until he could reasonably take a break which may be longer than he’d like.
If he’s a chronic masturbator, that mixed with being a narcissist (which we can all agree he most definitely is) would explain his disinterest in the sexual needs of his partners and why Leeana and early days Khet were like trophies to him but nothing else. He’s also probably anxious about performing poorly in bed, which would be a hit to his ego and the reason he was not satisfying PandaLee.
It also explains why there was no cleanup after the incident as constantly emptying his balls causes there to be little to no semen to clean.
Its entirely possible Khet is perfectly fine with this dynamic as she may have a lack of sex drive herself, and women who put on more weight than they’re comfortable with often feel too grossed out by themselves to feel sexual. Plus, let’s face it, she has nowhere else to go and no one is likely to want her now, meaning she can’t pick up and set up shop in another man’s life again like she did with Phil.
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I’ll also add asexual people are unlikely to decide “let
me rub one out right before this stream” and you don’t write something like his incel-ass manifesto on women without a high degree of sexual frustration
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All very fair points. It’s just something I started thinking about. His sexy fridge fit really was an eye opening moment. And I don’t think he has any idea how bad it looked to see a grown ass man sperg out and seriously blame needing a tutorial for a fucking upgrade menu.
As for the great burst of May 1st, I’m team no load. Mainly because it would mean we have video proof Phil can in fact fuck up and orgasm. But also, have you seen the full video? Dude has a hangover the size of extra ROBUST Khet. I’ve been that hung over before. The kind of hangover where the idea breakfast makes hurl. So you take a shit, a shower, take another nap and hope to God Wafflehouse can make it all go away. There is no spanking your monkey when you’re THAT hung over. Though that would also lead to your idea he’s actually a chronic masturbator. If he seriously can’t let it go even when he’s that messed up.
I don’t think Phil is asexual, he is clearly heterosexual, however, I do think he has problems with sexuality and the topic of sex. I go back to one episode of WPIG and when ALT found what I call the incel manifesto, basically calling women “teases”, “sluts”, and how every woman in his life has lied to him and hurt him…“and this also applies to my mother.” Also, calling your mom a “tease”? Did his mom try to give Philliam “the look”? First of all, fucking gross! Second, I hope to God THAT never happened.
I do think there was a time that Phil was and still is a coomer, on the lines of our favorite Canadian coomer by the name of Derich. Remember, he openly admitted to paying for a Brazzers subscription…when the 'Hub is free. Who the hell knows what Phil is into, but if I was to take a guess, it’s not interracial, as those fingernails are for sure going to get chomped to the BONE! Which explains why he had issues performing when he was with Panda. All that cooming and gin has given Dave coom and gin brain. Which is why he’s happy to be with someone that doesn’t want to be touched and probably has demandments. Demandment number one: thou shall not touch me!
Also, I bet that Khat monitor’s everything Phil does, as I’m sure she doesn’t care about WWE Champions, as long as he keeps a roof over her head, and the DoorDash coming. I digress.
Point being, Phil is comfortable jerking it, but he is attractive to women, as long as soulmaid has his DoorDash warmed up.
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I keep going back to the sexy fridge for my reasoning, just the violent reaction he seemed to have with recoiling from the situation. Though it does also hold up to the idea he’s such a massive pervert, so use to spanking him gout stricken monkey that the fridge ASMRing him might have started to turn him on.
Phil has ALMOST always reacted and changed due to troll criticisms just so they can’t say anything. Phil looks stupid in the Sonic hat? No more of that. The bubble blower is autistic? Gotta stop that.
With Phil, I think it’s 2 things:
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Trolls making fun of how he objectified women, so he stops that and now tries to take a moral high ground by acting holier than thou
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He wants to show that he’s “mature” so his idea of that is being a fucking puritan
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Both very solid points. He did outright do point 1 not that long ago where he said “How can I be a scumbag, I’m not a pervert anymore!”
As for point 2, Extremes Side Phil to the rescue on that one. “Being a glorified Tourette’s case and blurting out unfunny sex jokes isn’t working, clearly I need to pretend I’m a Quaker!”
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God, that fridge! When I saw that clip of Phil freaking out about a sexy fridge, I was like “Dude, the fuck is your problem!” To quote ItsAGundam, as I’ve committed this to memory, Phil “was acting like a gay man in a straight woman’s bar.” Yeah, the fridge was kind of cringe, but it was meant to be a pervert and over the top. I guess a sexy fridge voiced by a woman that is horny is bad, as only men can be horny in Phil’s eyes…and this is coming from someone that used to feel up his statues of women…that’s fine, but him being “harassed” by a fictional character? Oh, that’s bad!
I know Dave won’t go outside and touch grass, because Jaha and Mike Watson are in the bushes waiting outside the WAkhando to finish the job…God, Phil is such a pussy!
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That clip is in my DSP starter pack. It goes Scorn, king of suffering, fridge, shove the bubbles up your ass, and hateful slurs and or hello jew in that order. Scorn will hook, suffering will make you hate him, fridge and bubbles are the comedy of why I love clown on him, and slurs/hello jew to show he does this all to him self. It’s all self afflicted harm to his reputation and wallet.
Also yes, blessed is Papa Gundam.
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The sexy woman that for a while now had done the most damage to Phil ego and overall mental health
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